As the soft dawn of January 1, 2025, breaks upon us, a gentle hush blankets the world. The chill in the air carries with it both a finality and hope—a paradox I intimately know. This morning, though frost clings to the edges of the window, the warmth of our intertwined stories provides a heat that transcends the cold.
In stepping into this new year, I carry a bittersweet weight within, the memory of my child woven intricately into the fabric of every moment. The echoes laughter in our day to day life are whispers now, as I try to lead our family out of heartbreak.
With a morning jog to force my body to move, each heartbeat pains and soothes—a reminder of where my love remains. Today, in moments of reflection, I find that my grief has become not just a solitary burden but a shared as I emotionally regulate those closest to me.
It was not until I uncovered the fragility of my own heart that I understood the strength found in vulnerability. In reaching out, in confiding my sorrow to others, I’ve begun to tap into reservoirs of resilience and the healing powers of connection as our story of loss is often stitched together with silence, woven through threads of isolation. By embracing my own vulnerability, I am trying to find moments of balance where I don’t have to carry my pain alone; while not pulling down those around me.
As the new year unfolds, I find myself looking to the horizon for a new journey to unfold. As I set my sights on another endurance triathlon, it seems daunting yet feels symbolic as I find a way to channel my grief into physical and thereby mental resilience. Each stroke, each pedal, each step resonates with a determined heartbeat, echoing in rhythm with my efforts. As I surround myself with fellow athletes, I embrace the challenge, feeling the pulse of community at my side. There is a beauty in training together, in sharing not only our ambitions but also our apprehensions.
Waking before dawn, I find whispers of hope. The highs and lows of training have become a more collective experience the more that I share, where triumph tastes sweeter and setbacks are softened by understanding and acceptance. As this new year dawns upon us, I’m challenging myself to open my heart wide, to embrace vulnerability as a conduit of healing, not only for myself but also to set the tone for the life we create together.