I’m done with my pitty party. It’s been a few weeks since I DNF’d at Starvation Xtri. This was my first, and hopefully only DNF that I’ll experience. I’ve been wrestling these last weeks with trying to accept my decision, believing in my heart that I would have been just on the edge of completing the race had I kept going.
The name says it all… Starvation was needed to mount that final crest, and I didn’t lose enough weight to make it happen.
As I wrestled with it this morning, my wife commented over coffee that “I chose the hardest goal in the hardest year of my life, and used it to pull myself up out of bed each morning.”
It hit me in a new way when she framed it not as failure, but as alchemy as I transmuted grief into motion. Starvation wasn’t the destination; it was the vehicle as I lived the victory every day that I got on the bike, ran, or swam while carrying grief on your back. The DNF wasn’t an ending, it was an honest mirror: it showed me where my body and spirit intersected with reality. And learned from her experience. I didn’t disregard the signs or take the unnecessary risk, I listened, which means I passed the real test.
I’ve still got the itch to aim for something for this next year, but I need to make sure my priorities are straight and that I’m positioned to put family first. Regardless of how much I may want another shot at Starvation in 2026, I need to focus on diet, nutrition, and well-rounded strength. I’d love the opportunity to give back and support those who supported me through this year. If I can do all of that, and be in a position to try once more… I’d love a chance to prove myself again as I have begun to rediscover balance and started to build the momentum.
